Happy Halloween

Greetings evreyone and Happy Halloween!! I hope evreyone is having a great day. Im still feeling like garbage but not as bad as yesterday. I styayed indoors today and in bed once again trying to escape the overwhelming feelings that seem to have me paralyzed. Tonight i will be handing out candy to trick or treaters and watching tv. Im hoping that by the end of this up coming weekend ill be feeling better.

Greetings all Well there is nothing to report today because i felt so horrible today i stayed home from school and stayed in bed and didnt do anything. I hate this and im sure that this is just the begining of a long drawn out battle with my inner demons as my Dr trys to get me properly diagnoised and on the right medication i just hope that she can before things get too bad but at this point i dont see how i could feel much worse than i do right now. I felt like i wanted to crawl out of my skin and evreything hurt. Not a physical pain but more of an emotional one. I simply felt very overwhelmed and the smallest things seemed to take a great deal more effort than they normally would have such as just getting up. Im hoping that things are better tomorrow but im not holding out too much hope.

The Roller coast ride begins

Greetings well today has been a very up and down day as my moods have begun to spin wildly from euphoric to just very sad and depressed. I thought i was ready for this but i wasnt prepared for the intensity of my feelings. I feel like im starting to sprial out of control and concentrating in class today was next to impossible. I left school early and came home and tryed to forget how horrible im feeling. I still have 3 weeks to go untill i visit my Dr again and she reasseses my condition im just hoping that i dont feel any worse than i do now because as it is now im barely able to function. Have a good Day evreyone~ Peace

Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince Trailer Released

Greetings Evreyone i hope evreyone is having a good week. Anyone who knows me knows my love possibly even obsession with Harry Potter ive read all the books and seen all the movies at there midnight releases and converted people who have never seen the movies into fans of the series. So i was ubber excited when the Teaser trailer for the Sixth installment of the Harry Potter series Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince was released today by the WB and from what i can tell this installment will be Darker than the last. In other news today i spoke with Clinton about my website and things are coming along nicely. We are currently looking at places to host the site. Clinton is researching places and it still looks as if were on schedule for a January 2009 launch barring any setbacks. I had a fairly uneventful day i went to school came home played with Shiloh and talked to clinton. Now i need to go start my homework Peace out

My Weekend in Bellingham

Greetings Evreyone well this past weekend i spent in Bellingham visiting my peeps who attend Western Washington University. I had a blast hanging out with evreyone. Friday we all got together and had dinner together and then we went and watched Harry Potter And The Sorcers Stone so Clinton could start getting caugfht up on the Harry Potter Series. He throughly enjoyed the movie and is looking forward to the second movie which we will watch over Thanksgiving. After the movie we went over to Rob,s for a sleepover. It was me Thomas John and Eric we all camped out on the floor and i met Rob,s roommate Ben Backstrom we stayed up for awhile and then evreyone passed out at which point i went and slept in Rob,s bed!! The next day we met up with Nick Steffl and we went to Olive Garden for lunch. It was amazing as usual. After lunch Rob had homework to do so i hunbg out with Thomas for awhile and we went to dinner together back on campus where we saw a bunch of other people. I headed back to Rob,s house after dinner and hung out with Ben for awhile and got to know him better. He,s a really awesome guy and i like him alot i can tell were going to be great friends. On Sunday i met up with Matt Long and Thomas for Lunch and was able to catch up with him. I was able to get evreyone together for dinner for one last hurrah before i left Bellingham to return to Seattle and we said our Good byes. Ill see them all in 30 days for Thanksgiving which im hosting at my house. I had a great time and wish it could have lasted a bit longer but there,s always next time. Hope evreyone is having a superb day!!!

Greetings all well today was not a good day as i was simply feeling depressed today and really didnt want to do much of anything unfortunately that was not an option as i have school to deal with. Tomorrow i will be leaving for Bellingham and will be gone untill monday. Im hoping that being away from here and being with my friends will improve my mood help me try to forget how rotten i feel at least for a few days. I hope evreyone has a great weekend and ill be sure to take lots of pictures of my time in Bellingham and post them here when i return ~Peace

Misdiagnosis

Greetings Evreyone As many of you know Last month i was hospitalized in Seattle following a Mental Breakdown which was my second hospitalization in 5 months. I checked myself into Fairfax hospital for a Mental Health evaluation. I was diagnoised as having paranoid Schizophrenia and the Dr there put me on medication to stabilize my condition. Aupon my release i was given a referral to a new Dr in Seattle who would take over my care. Well yesterday i had my first Appt with Dr Barnes and we talked for an hour and at the end of my session she informed me that she strongly believes that i have been misdiagnoised and that my symptoms dont match up to Paranoid Schizophrenia but to Bipolar Disorder but she,s not completely certain. She wants me to discontinue the medication im on now so she can get a better picture of whats going on with me by letting my symptoms come back. So it seems im back at square one. As far as my illness goes it was already starting to resurface even without me not taking the medication. My moods have started to flucuate once again and i had started hearing the voices again. Im feeling a whole range of emotions following this latest development. My friends in Bellingham have been awesome through all this and even they had there doubts that i really had paranoid schizophrenia. Im not sure what my over all feeling is which shouldnt be too surprising seeing how quickly my mood shifts. So it seems that i will have to suffer a little bit more before this situation with my mental health is resolved i hope Dr Barnes knows what she,s doing because my biggest fear is loosing control and in a fit of depression attempting suicide whiich is a real possibility. Have a great night evreyone.

Greetings evreyone well the concert last night at the Tacoma Dome last night was evreything id hoped for as Celine dion took to the stage and sang her biggest hits as well as new material from her latest effort Taking Chances. The show was amazing it was great to see her perform live again. I had a good day as i spent most of it running around with a friend of mine doing errands and getting little things done that ive been neglecting to do. Im hoping this week goes by fast as im excited to be going to Bellingham to see my friends. Hope evreyone is having a great night ~peace

Greetings i hope evreyone is well. Im feeling great today partly because its the weekend and partly because the weather outside is really nice. Today im going to see Celine Dion in Tacoma with my friends Kyle and his wife Amy. Im really looking forward to it. Im a huge fan of her music and its been 4 years since she has been on a world tour. Ill put up a review of the concert tomorrow in my post. Well i hope evreyone has a great weekend talk to you all laters!!!

My New Beautiful smile

Greetings evreyone!! Well after 3/12 years my braces finally came off today and i couldnt be more pleased with the results although im not to crazy about having to wear a retainer but ill live with it. My teeth feel really weird now that my braces are off and im sure it will take some getting used to. I had a rather busy day today in addition to getting my braces off i also went and bought a bunch of dishes and other misellaneous things for my Thanksgiving dinner party. All in all i would say im almost completely ready except for the food which i wont buy untill about 2 weeks before hand but i now think i have enough serving dishes and utensils to make my thanksgiving dinner a sucess assuming i dont burn the food or give evreyone food poisoning. I have a busy weekend as im attending a concert tomorrow with friends and sunday im going to the movies. Im hoping at some point to take Shiloh out to the park if the weather is nice but its looking pretty iffy at the moment. Have a great night evreyone im off to bed.

Greetings all well today was another uneventful day. Im feeling good and continuing to put my life back together following my hospitalization last month. Tomorrow is a rather busy day for me as i will be getting my braces off tomorrow and after 3/12 years its definitely time for them to come off so im pretty excited about that and im also going shopping for my Thanksgiving dinner party that im hosting next month. Im really excited about having my friends all come over and have a traditional Thanksgiving dinner with me but having never cooked a Thanksgiving dinner before there are some things i need so tomorrow i will be tackling that. Earlier in the week i had said that i would be working on getting an official website put together well my Good friend Clinton Brooks who is one of My bellingham crew has volunteered to design the site for me so im very excited about this development as Clinton is truly a computer whiz and im sure he will do a great job and make my site look great. Well for now i need to go eat some dinner have a great night evreyone

The Comeback Queen Britney Spears Makes big comeback

I am an unabashed Britney Spears fan and have been since her first hit Baby One More time. But the last few has seen her star get tarnished as her personel problems overshadowed her professional and i remember asking myself if she would ever be able to come back. Britney,s problems started in 2007 when she went into a hair salon and took a pair of clippers to her locks and shaved her head. It was the cut heard around the world. It was then that i first began to think that something was very wrong with her. Almost immeadiately evreyone began to speculate about what would drive her to such extremes and the general consensus was she was on drugs and it was widely accepted as such. She was after all in the hollywood scene and thats what they do. Sure enough a week after her head shaving incident she checked into a drug treatment facility. I began to think to myself Good now she will get her life back on track but that wasnt the case after her release her behavior veered even more off course as she severed all ties with her family and fired her long time manager. The paparazzi was loving evrey minute of her downward sprial documenting her evrey move as she was seen out late parting with the likes of Pairs Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and taking up with Shady Charecter Sam Lutfi who began to act as her Manager. She Announced via her website that she was working on a new Album and was looking forward to hitting the road to tour again. I was caustiously optimistic that she was turning things around and that she was putting her personel proplems behind her. In September 07 she performed at the Video Music Awards and her performance was panned by critics and fans alike she looked out of shape and seemed like she really didnt want to be there. Even i was shocked because i knew Britney knew how to give a good performance but this was just terrible. Her album Blackout was released on october 30th 2007 and was one of her most critically acclaimed The first single Gimmie more shot to # 1 but Spears in the middle of a messy custody battle with ex husband Kevin Federline did nothing to promote the album and plans for a summer tour were quickly scrapped. Her court battle with Kevin Federline was not going well either as she refused to comply with the courts orders. She was ordered to undergo random drug testing and meet with a parenting coach both of which she refused to do. Finally in November she was stripped of custody of her two boys Sean Preston And Jayden James but was allowed monitored visitation. On January 3rd 2008 Britney refused to hand over her youngest son to her ex husband kevin after a scheduled visit and locked herself in a bathroom and refused to come out. Police were called and after a 3 hour stand off the situation was resolved and spears was taken out of her studio city home on a stretcher to be transported to a hospital for a mental evaluation. It was at this time i began to ask myself why hasnt her family stepped in to stop her self destruction? Britney was held on an ivoluntary hold but was released after 24 hours. The court stripped her of all visitation with her children following the stand off. On January 31st a similar scene played out at Britney,s estate as she was once again taken by ambulance for a mental heath evaluation. The next day her father Jamie Spears Got a Consevatorship over his daughter,s personel and professional affairs and took charge of her life. At this point many people speculated her career was over too much damage had been done by all the negative press and personel drama. Very slowly Britney began to turn things around. She reestablished communication with her mother and sister and began going into the studio again. In April she reunited with long time manager Larry Rudolph and the two began making plans for her next album. Her never ending court battle with Kevin Federline was finally resolved in May 2008 Kevin was given Physicall custody of the boys with Britney getting visitation. In july she announced that her next album Circus would hit stores on December 2nd her 27th Birthday and the first single Womanizer would hit Radios in september. Womanizer has shot to # 1 since its release and it would seem that Britneys back in top form and with plans for a spring 2009 tour it seems that evreythings coming up roses for Britney as she prepares to reclaim her Throne. As a die hard fan i never lost faith in her ability to come back so it seems all the haters out there now will be eating there words Brits back on top where she belongs.

Plans underway for my Official website

Greetings evreyone I hope you are all well. So i was thinking that i really like having this blog to keep my friends updated on my day to day life but there is alot of other stuff that i would like to share with evreyone that cant be done on this particular format so i have decided to launch an official website. I have already purchased the domain name of NicholasManningonline.com and as soon as i can find someone who has the web savvy to build a website i will get it up and running. I personally am shooting for a January 2009 launch but if it comes together more quickly that would be cool to but realistically i wont have my site up untill next year but it definitely will be up that much i can be certain of. I had a great day as i found out today that my braces are finally coming off. On friday after 3/12 years i will finally get them off im absulutely estatic. I was begining to think that i would never get them off. I cant wait to be able to eat all the foods i havent been able to eat for so long. All in all it was a great day. Have a great night evreyone and ill be sure to keep you all updated on how plans for my new website are coming along. Peace out

Reflections

Greetings Evreyone i hope this post finds you all well. Im feeling good and looking to the future. After evreything ive been through over the past few months im hoping the worst is behind me and that things start to settle down for me. I definitely do not need anymore drama in my life. I truly am blessed with an awesome group of friends. Speaking of friends im planning on going to see my Bellingham buds as i call them in two weeks. Im looking forward to catching up with Eric and Thomas and John to name a few of the people im hoping to see. Today has been uneventful i went to school and then came home and took Shiloh out for a walk. For anyone who doesnt know Shiloh is my Miniature Schnauzer puppy and she is the center of my world. She was Born on May 19th 2008 and she came to live with me in in july and my life hasnt been the same sine. She is one of the best things that has ever happened to me im not sure what i would do without her. Well for now i need to go but i hope evreyone has a fantastic day!!!

my History Part 2

Right after i became a Christian the problems with the severe mood swings and the hallucinations became much worse and it became much harder for me to function untill finally i just snapped. On April 29th i finally decided that despite evreything suicide was my only option evreything simply hurt too much and at the time the pain was simply too intense. One of my New friends from Bellingham Andrew Ward became very concerned for me after reading a goodbye note i had sent him via facebook and after confering with Sean Edwards decided to drive from Bellingham to Seattle at 2am in the morning. I was completely shocked when He and one of his good friends showed up at my house begging me to go with them back to Bellingham. I very reluctantly agreed. Aupon arriving in Bellingham i called Eric and all my other new friends and we made plans to get together. Andrew had prior obligations that night so i hung out with Eric and his roommates in there dorm. That night i was feeling very much on edge as the voices in my head were screaming at me and the hallucinations were constant. The following morning when i got up Sean Edwards called and wanted to meet with me to go see a Counselor to which i said absulutely not. I still wanted to believe that if i just waited it out my moods and the hallucinations would disapate on there own. I became so freaked out that i decided that i wanted to return to Seattle immeadiately however i decided to have lunch with Eric and a few other people before heading home. Sean Showed up just as were finishing and begged me to just talk with him. We went back to Andrew,s house and we started talking about what was going on with me and the more we talked the more out of control i felt. The voices began telling me to just do it now it was the only way to make them stop. Before i really knew what i was doing i picked up a pen and attempted to stab myself but Sean grabbed me and restrained me. After i had calmed down he excused himself and left me with Andrew. A few minutes later Sean returned and shortly after that The Bellingham police arrived. I was handcuffed and put into the back of a police car and transported to St Joseph,s Hospital in bellingham to be evaluatyed. I felt completely betrayed and Demoralized by what Sean had done. I was held on whats called a 5150 or an involuntary hold and was deemed to be a danger to myself or others. I was transfered to a Pshyciatric hospital where i was held for 5 days after which they released me. Aupon my release i returned to Bellingham and spent the night with Eric before heading back to Seattle. When i left Bellingham that time i felt that the new friendships i had just started had been damaged beyond repair. I thought that my friends now thought i was crazy or at least mentally unstable however nothing could be further from the truth they all still loved me and wanted to be part of my life. I continued to visit Bellingham and get to know people there and develop some very good relastionships. My relastionship with Sean Edwards however remained Tumultous i still felt very betrayed by what he had done and had gone so far as to remove him from my friends list on facebook and i refused to even speak to him when i visited Bellingham childish i know but at the time i felt very strongly about his betrayal towards me. It was only after talking with a friend of his that i finally realized that Sean had only done what he felt he needed to to protect me. At the very end of the school year i made up with Sean and am glad to say that were very good friends now. The school year ended and evreyone went there seperate ways but i stayed in touch with evreyone over the summer and was even able to orchestrate a group of people including Sean Edwards to come to Seattle to see The Dark Knight. A good time was had by all. Over the summer of 2008 my mood swings and hallucinations began to creep up on me again and wreak havoc on my life yet again. When it started happening again i tryed to supress it and keep it from affecting my relastionships however the longer it went on the more intense things seemed to become. I finally decided to sever all ties to my friends i Changed my cell phone number and basically told all my friends that i simply could not do this anymore. I honestly believed my friends would be better off without me in there lives. I thought it would be simple enough to get rid of them but it wasnt. It really hurt me to do this and a few days later Eric showed up at my house and told me that this wasnt what he wanted and it wasnt what anyone else wanted either. They loved me and nothing would ever change that. In the end i couldnt stay away from my friends and i ended up going back to them and they took me back with open arms. Finally i was no longer able to deny i had a problem when in September i attempted to slit my wrists and had to be taken to the hospital. I finally decided that enough was enough and i voluntarily checked myself into a Pshyciatric hospital for an evaluation. I spent 30 days in the hospital getting stable and undergoing therapy. I was diagnoised as having Paranoid Schizophrenia. The diagnosis was devestating to me but to be honest i was more concerned with what my friends would think. They are still with me and still love me. So there you hacvve it a little bit about me. Now i would love to mention evrey single one of my friends here by name but that would take WAY too long They know who they are and they know i love them. Without you guys i wouldnt be here today I love you guys!!!!

A brief histoory Part 1

Greetings well i thought i would give a brief history of myself and how this blog came to be. My name is Nicholas Michael Manning and i moved to Seattle Wa 4 years ago. It will be 5 years in January. I moved here following my fathers suicide at age 17 from Az i thought that a change of location was in order. Since before my fathers death i had always struggled with suicidal ideation and my fathers death only made matters worse. My mother divorced my father when i was 12 years old and i have not seen her since. My first few years here were uneventful. It was not untill January 2008 that my life began to seriously go off course. My moods began to swing wildly out of control i was either feeling a euphoric or i was severely depressed and my mood could change in a matter of minutes. It was like being on a roller coaster ride that i couldnt get off of. In March of 2008 my condition continued to get worse and i began having hallucinations and hearing voices tellingt me to kill myself and that it was the only way out. At this time i had a fairly large circle of friends however as my condition became worse and moods and behavior became more erratic they abandoned me which i completely understood but it hurt deeply none the less. In April 2008 i was on facebook i came across a profile of a guy named Eric Wheeler and on his profile he talked about God. I sent him a message out of curiosity to ask him about god and about questions i had. At this point i had decided that killing myself was indeed my only option but i was afraid of going to hell. Eric and i began to converse through Facebook and he told me about his beliefs. It finally got to a point where he wanted to meet in person. He was attending a college in Bellingham Wa and he wanted me to come up for the weekend. I was very hesitant to do so simply because i didnt know him and was afraid he wouldnt really like me at all after meeting me but in the end my curiosity about him got the best of me and i headed up to meet him. It was one of the best decisions i have ever made. Eric made me feel at home from the moment i arrived and greeted me with a big smile and an even bigger hug!! He introduced to all his friends and i observed that these people had something that i wanted. That first weekend while i was there i accepted christ as my savior and Eric Baptized me in Lake Padden on April 26th 2008 surrounded by new friends whom i now considered my family i began my new journey of finding out all i could about God. I foolishly believed things would start to turn around after my conversion to Christianity but that was not to be the case as i was about to discover.

Inaugural post

Hello All My name is Nicholas and this will you will be able to keep up with all the goings ons in my not very exciting life. Ok so a little back ground information. My Name is Nicholas Michael Manning and im 23 years old and i live in Seattle Wa and am currently a student at The Art Institute. I guess for now thats all the information i will give but later on i will go in more depth about me my history and the Wonderful people in my life who im very happy to call my family.